Natalie Silverman

Can I have some tips for telling my employer?

In terms of telling your employer about fertility treatment? I think one of the first things I'd say is be prepared to educate, because there's a lot of misconceptions about fertility treatment, what it involves. We've got some great resources, for example, what an IVF cycle looks like, and I think if you go and explain to your employer that this is a medical procedure that is very much based on how your body's going to react. I'm talking from the female point of view here that you can't give specific dates, so you're going to need some flexibility. But also highlight to them that you want this to be an open channel of communication. You'll give them as much info as you need and that this is a temporary period of time that hopefully we're talking about, and you'll give them as much information as you can when you've got it. But I think knowing that this isn't set in stone as far as how long it takes will help them maybe understand how they can manage it. Also, maybe giving suggestions of how you could delegate work to certain colleagues so that they don't have to be worrying about that. So it's just coming up with solutions when you do go to start that conversation with your employer, which might not be where your head's at, but the more you can do or hopefully help that relationship as you're going through navigating a treatment.

How do I create awareness around this topic?

I think it's really important to think about the fact that just by talking about this topic, people might be caught off guard if it's something that they're personally going through. Ultimately, you're validating somebody's experience. So it's reassuring them that you want to do this in the best way possible. So you invite people's feedback, for example. So if you are thinking about having an awareness raising webinar, it's saying that you're going to be talking about this topic. You're going to be creating this safe space to invite people to come to that. Ideally, it will be recorded if they don't feel they can attend, but they can watch it at a later date. But also that you're going to be inviting people's feedback on what are the areas that they'd be interested in knowing more about. So for example, we always start by talking about why fertility matters at work and what that means, the impact it has on people. But there might be interest in more topics like the impact it has on men or the LGBTQ plus the LGBTQ plus route to parenthood. So it's encouraging people to feedback around these events so that you continue the conversation. It might also be worth signposting them to peer support groups that might exist. There might be an ERG, an employee resource group that's already started talking about this that people might not realise, or maybe that group is starting this conversation about family building. So it's just bringing the conversation to life and as I said, reassuring people that you will be holding this space and making it a safe space for them to come and hopefully share their stories.

Where can I get support if I am struggling?

If you know that in your place of work there's occupational health support or there's an EAPN employees assistance programme that you can access, then it's a really good opportunity to go and see what is available there. In terms of counselling support, what we're doing is encouraging employers to think about ensuring those counsellors have an awareness of fertility struggles, but asking for help and if there is that kind of benefit available is a really great first step. It's also worth exploring whether there are any internal networks, whether there's any kind of ERGs, employee resource groups that are already talking about this kind of conversation. There might well be, or maybe there may be some of your peers who you feel comfortable talking to about how you're feeling and what you need, even if it's just going for a coffee and telling someone who's totally unrelated to what you're going through. There's an amazing community on social media on Instagram using the hashtag ttc. There's a community there that offer lots of support and you can follow anonymously. What I would advise against is going down a Google Rabbit hole and asking questions that might just send you in a spiral. Everybody's situation is so different if you can ask support from someone in your workplace, so if you feel comfortable doing, that'd be a great first port of call.

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